What do dogs owned by chemists do with their bones?
They barium.
What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie?
They press the paws button.
Our dog brings us the newspaper every day…
Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any!
Why are dogs’ barks so loud?
They have built-in sub-woofers.
What do dogs usually like to eat at the movie theaters?
Pupcorn
Want to know if your wife or your dog loves you more?
Just lock them both in a crate for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you once you open it.
What do you call a dog that can’t bark?
A hushpuppy.
Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road?
Because she was littering.
What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
Whichever you want, but do it silently.
Where does a Labrador’s food go before it can be sold in stores?
To the lab for testing.
What did one flea say to the other?
Should we walk, or just take the dog?
What could be worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
When you cross a frog with a dog, what do you get?
A croaker spaniel.
Where do dogs park their car?
In the barking lot.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a ballpoint pen?
Ink spots.
Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny?
All of them are really short.
How do you know if you have a slow dog?
It chases parked cars.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He really wanted to become a woofer!
When the dog sat on sandpaper, what did he say?
Ruff! Ruff!
What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their bones?
Bon appetite!
What happens if you connect a Corgi to a battery?
You’ll get a short circuit.
Why do dogs love Redwood trees?
They have the biggest bark.
When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him?
Mustard, it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to bite him.
I guess it makes sense, since he’s pure bread.
